


Things Have Changed For Me

by kingdomnowcontained



Category: Bandom, Gay - Fandom, Panic! at the Disco, Ryan Ross - Fandom, Ryden - Fandom, brendon urie - Fandom, brendon urie/ ryan ross, ryan ross/ brendon urie - Fandom, rydon - Fandom
Genre: M/M, grief! ryden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 10:59:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1055979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingdomnowcontained/pseuds/kingdomnowcontained
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon ODs and Ryan goes numb</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things Have Changed For Me

It only took a small bottle of un-named pills to ruin Ryan Ross's life.  
And end his fiancé Brendon's.  
It was Ryan who found him. He had come to after everyone had left their huge New York City apartment, leaving their red solo cups and undergarments scattered across the floor. It has just been another party for them. The thought made him sick.  
He remembered the chain of events clearly.  
He had blindly rushed into the bathroom, hunching over the toilet at the last possible second to puke his guts out.  
That's when he saw Brendon. His porcelain skin looked sickly, it almost had a purplish tint. He was still as well, too still, it almost seemed a if the world had come to a complete stop. There had been a spot of yellow vomit dried on his mouth, Ryan noticed as he tried weakly to move Brendon out of the slumped position he was in against the shower wall. There was something wrong, Ryan realized. He blinked. Shook Brendon. Shook him harder. Nothing.  
Brendon had been partying too hard, that was it. He was just coming down, right? Nothing to worry about.  
Ryan snuck his hands up Brendon's neck, looking for a pulse, just for reassurance, he told himself. He tried his hardest to ignore how, well, not warm, Brendon's skin was.  
He sucked in a panicked breath. There was no pulse. He felt for it again, hands trembling. Nothing.  
A wave of numbness passed over him as he slowly went to retrieve the phone from the living room.  
"911, what's your emergency?"  
"My boyfriend's dead"  
*****

After the call had ended. He stood completely still, unable to move, to blink.  
It took what felt like hours, but eventually, the door burst open and paramedics flooded the flat. One covered him with a blanket and asked him where Brendon was.  
"Bathroom", he managed.  
They tried to prevent it, he knew they had, but he saw Brendon's limp body being carried out.  
They let Ryan sit in the ambulance. They didn't even bother hooking Brendon up to an IV or anything of the sort, he was too far gone and everyone knew it.  
They all looked away sympathetically, as Ryan clutched Brendon's limp, quickly cooling hand, glancing at their matching gold rings. He took Brendon's off and put it on himself.  
He studied Brendon's face for the last time. He took in his plump lips and thick eyelashes, tracing his free hand down Brendon's jaw, trying desperately to memorize its curve.  
Once the ambulance arrived at the hospital, Ryan walked home. There was no reason to stay. He did not want to know how Brendon died. It was his fault, he hadn't payed enough attention to Brendon's drug use. He would have stopped it, he could have-  
He stopped himself. All the what ifs weren't worth his time.  
It took him two hours, but the tears finally came. 

************  
'What the fuck?', was Brendon's first reaction as he scoped out his dead body, lying in the shower. His corpse looked disgusting.  
He wondered if he was dreaming. He pinched himself. Nope.  
He looked in the mirror. No reflection. Huh.  
God what had he taken last night? He was seriously tripping. And it somehow felt so real.  
He sat down next to his corpse just as Ryan burst in, barely making it to the toilet. He snickered. Ryan somehow managed to look adorable, even when he was hungover.  
He tried to touch the hallucination. His hand went right through it. He giggled, knowing it should alarm him. It didn't. He got high regularly, this was barely a surprise. At least he wasn't dead.  
Ryan looked in his direction and paled. Brendon figured he must have looked like shit. Maybe as shitty as his corpse. "Sup babe", he smirked at Ryan.  
He knelt down in front of the corpse.  
"Yo, babe you okay?"  
No reply. His smile faded. "Babe? Ryan?"  
Ryan shifted the corpse. Wait, how come he could touch it? Brendon figured Ryan was a hallucination too. He watched the older boy shake his dead body and feel for a pulse, before realizing how uncomfortable what he was seeing made him. He shuffled out of the room, a nap sounded like a good idea, he decided.  
When Brendon woke up, shit got real.  
He looked at the clock. It was 4:37am.  
He after a moment, he observed that Ryan was laying in him. No, not under him or on him but in him. It was like he wasn't even there, like he was transparent. There was no way in hell the drugs were still in affect. He would have taken them around 28 hours ago. He sat up and rolled over, Ryan didn't flinch. He was just staring at the ceiling, letting tears flow down his cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away. Ryan was wearing Brendon's favorite tee shirt. It had a small duck on it. They had bought it together years ago.  
"Ry?", he let out shakily, reaching for his lovers shoulder, forgetting it would go right through him.  
Ryan was unaffected.  
Brendon sat up. What if he really was dead? No. He couldn't be. Ghosts weren't even real, right?  
On the other hand, it was the only thing that made sense. He must have ODed on whatever Bethany slipped him the other night.  
Fuck. Oh my god. He wanted to be sick. What was he supposed to do. What would happen to Panic!, to Ryan, the love of his life? Dying had not been something he wanted. He had been happy. He had been rich, famous, living on fucking Columbus Avenue. He had Ryan, they were planning their wedding. He slumped down on the ground and began to hyperventilate. He wanted to kill Bethany and then bash his own fucking head in. How could he have done this to Ryan? He recalled the look on his fiancé's face as he was lying in bed, tears running down his face. Brendon began to cry.  
He must have fallen asleep or whatever ghosts did, because when he next woke up, Ryan was sitting on the kitchen counter numbly staring at a newspaper. Brendon's heart broke all over again. He padded over to where Ryan was sitting and tried to prop himself next to Ryan. He sunk through, slightly annoyed. He settled on standing right behind Ryan, wrapping his arms very lightly around him, so his arms wouldn't pass through but he would be able to feel the heat radiating off Ryan.  
Just as he expected, the front page of the New York Times read: Panic! At The Disco Lead Singer Brendon Urie Dead Of Unfortunate Drug OD, Party Boys Or Drug Addicts?  
No, there was no way in hell this was a dream.


End file.
